People Pleasers Anonymous

This post is Day #16 in the 31 to a Better Work + Life Balance series.

Who Is Your True Boss?

Recently I took a class on the Influence Network where Jessi Connolly asked this question and it hit me so hard. 

This sounds so ridiculous but sometimes I believe that everyone is my boss. I'm working to make sure that everyone is happy. My husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my customers, my competitors, even my inner perfectionist voice.

Hello my name is Laurie, and I am a people pleaser. 

Yes is my favorite word. You too?

Here's what it feels like to be a people pleaser...

If I find out that someone is not happy with me or my decisions, I get super bummed until everything is smoothed over. I'll be stuck listing out all my defenses in my head all day long. Or I end up working myself to exhaustion and then looking for clues in others thinking, "Is this enough? Have I earned your approval yet?" 

It's more than not wanting everyone to be disappointed. 

I want everyone to be impressed.

That's a dangerous way of thinking right there.

The Danger of Thinking This Way

Firstly, because I am flawed. I have bad days. I'm sometimes forgetful and irresponsible with money. Im tempted to be jealous and dishonest. I make mistakes way too often.

But even if I did everything perfectly in my book, it may be all wrong in yours. That is still failure to me. 

So if everyone is my boss, I can start to feel like a pretty worthless person. I'm not measuring up to somebody's standard all the time. If this is true than I'm stuck in a cycle of insecurity, and performance because there's always someone who's going to be shaking their head at me.

So not a good way to live. 

The second reason living to impress others stinks: what I believe. As a Christ follower, I believe that He is the one who others should be impressed with, not me. His life and work is what we should be praising, not mine.

That's why those words are so freeing: 

“You have one true boss.”

Our worth doesn't come from how impressive we are but rather how impressive He is.

We are His precious children, His workmanship. He gave his life for us. We don't have to earn His stamp of approval. We can rest knowing we already have it.

And He is the best kind of boss.

His instructions bring life and balance. Not just to us but to the people around us too. He gives us work that matters and the results don't dependent on how well we perform. If we mess up, His grace fills in the gaps and helps us to let it go and try again.

If someone doesn't approve, they can take it up with Him. He stands in our defense.

So rest, fellow People Pleaser. Your worth doesn't depend on the rating others give you. The Boss thinks you are just fine:)